When Things Don’t Go Your Way

mindfulness-isnt-about

I am a planner, a compulsive list writer, diary completer, and note taker.

Always have been. Always will be.

I have even written retrospective lists when I feel as if I haven’t achieved much in a day, but need the satisfaction of crossing things off. I thrive on a sense of achievement and the very rewarding feeling of completion.

I like it when things go as I plan, especially when I have invested a lot of thought, effort and energy into my plans.

This week a few things have not gone as I had planned or hoped.

I should be in Bali right now. We were meant to fly a week ago, but due to volcanic activity our flight was cancelled. Then again on Friday. And again last night. We have since cancelled our tickets. It is fine, we are going again for my 50th next month and went a few months back, so it’s not the end of the world, as much as I was looking forward to it. I had also been working a lot right up until the afternoon that we were due to fly, so I was really looking forward to some down time. But man was I taken right out of my comfort zone those few days in limbo. Bags half packed, plans unable to be made or completed, and no sense of what I would be doing this week. I never have nothing planned, and if I do, it feels all prickly, awkward and strange.

Having said that I should say I am the Queen of Procrastination and I have a PHD in Distraction techniques and I have long wanted to explore these aspects of myself. I do get shit done, quite a lot of shit actually, but most of the time I don’t feel like I do enough. However that’s a story for another day.

Yesterday I decided to embrace it and take the remaining time to do as I please, day by day. I thought maybe I would read, write, catch up with people, enjoy whatever happened, I would go with the flow. Great!

So here I was enjoying this sense of new-found freedom and fluidity – or so I thought. My mind quickly started writing a mental to do list and I started imagining much I could achieve this week, given that I now had a full and clear 8 days stretched out ahead of me. The list writing started in my head and I began to get excited about how much I could actually get done in a week with no plans.

Until.

I was making the bed, energised by the thought of revamping my back courtyard, spring cleaning cupboards, doing tons of catch up study and work and suddenly as I bent down, to pick up a pillow my back went. It was an excruciating pain like nothing I have experienced before. I could NOT move. The only time I have any relief is flat on my back or on my side. Can’t sit, can’t walk, can’t do anything.

So once again my body has given me the message loud and clear that I need to stop.

Sit.

Be.

Listen.

It’s not the first time and I would like to think that it’s the last, but I seem to take a long time to learn some of my most difficult lessons. I wrote about this at the beginning of the year here and I thought I got it loud and clear then, but doesn’t seem that I did. I just re read that post and it seems that I still have lessons to learn when it comes to self care. I definitely need to learn to walk my talk in this area.

Even though I am in agony, that’s not my issue. I am most distressed about all of the things that I am not able to do, the time that will be wasted and the sense of achievement that I enjoy so much, that I will inevitably not feel this week.

Or will I?

One thing I can do and I really enjoy doing, but don’t seem to find enough time to do – is write. I can also read. I love reading.

So I will read and I will write.

I am making NO plans for the rest of this week, I will rather take the lesson from my body, which never fails to alert me when it’s time to take drastic action.

So, here I am, flat on my back and embracing it. Or trying to anyway….it’s hard to teach an old dog new tricks, but I am working on it.

 

digital distraction mindmap

Rae-Anne x :)

About Me

Recovery Coach Rea-Anne

Hi, my name is Rae-Anne. I am a facilitator, manager, counsellor, NDIS support coordinator, psychosocial recovery coach and published author with over 25 years experience in leadership development, change management and developing and delivering training within government, social and community services.

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